Coincidences

co·in·ci·dence

kōˈinsədəns/

noun

plural noun: coincidences

1. 1.

   a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection.

Do you believe in fate? In the idea that all around us there are small miracles, signs even – from the universe or some sort of power? Or are they just coincidences – things that happen “without apparent causal connection”?

I’ve always believed in fate or something of that nature. But it’s been a far away belief. One that I thought would always find its way into my life eventually. Something that I’ve believed in but never really thought I would cross paths with. I grew up Catholic. I’m confirmed. I am supposed to believe in God, that’s how I was raised. But I’ve had my doubts for my whole life, and have never really experienced anything to make me fully believe.

My Granmum died this November. She was the most loving, genuine, beautiful, faithful person who has ever been a part of my life. I’m more than grateful to have grown up with her as a role model, and as a teacher of love. The week she died was the hardest time I’ve had in a while. I hadn’t been to a funeral since my Grandfather – her husband – died years before, when I was young and couldn’t fully absorb what was happening.

This time around I wasn’t prepared for the grief that followed her death. But I took it day by day and chose to remember the moments my family and I shared with her. I held on to the way she smiled, and the way she used to kiss me on my cheek every time I saw her. That made it easier.

But ever since she died, I’m reminded of her through short memories that pop into my head, or everyday things that make me think of her. The week of her funeral when my family was driving home from a cousin’s house, we saw deer on the road. There were probably about one or two of them. And then it happened again another night that same week, about three times total I think. A deer would run into the road or be near the road, my Dad would swerve a little and slow down, we’d look at it and keep driving. I didn’t pay too much attention to it although I thought it was strange because I don’t regularly see deer in the towns surrounding my own. But I remember thinking how gentle and elegant they were.

When I came home at the end of the semester about a month ago for Christmas break, my friends from home and I were hanging out a lot and I found myself constantly driving around at night. I kept seeing deer on the roads, not all the time but frequently and definitely more than I ever have before. The more I saw, the weirder I felt. I started to expect them, and it seemed like the more I expected to see them, the more I saw.

I thought I was going crazy, to be honest. I told one of my friends because I had seen a couple of deer when I was driving around with her. Twice in one night one time. The other day there was one in the middle of the field as we were driving back from a day trip to Boston. One time I saw a family of them on the side of the road heading in the opposite direction, so all I could see were their white tails in the dark. Another time I saw two in my front yard by the bird feeder when I got home one night. It was getting hard to just say that this was some sort of coincidence. I couldn’t really ignore it.

Thinking about all the deer I’ve seen, I can’t help but tie it back to my Granmum. I can’t help but believe that it’s a “wink” from Heaven. Maybe it’s some sort of sign from her that something good is coming my way or maybe simply that it’s her saying that it’s okay to believe in something.

The other day I told my mom about the deer, and she thought it was pretty amazing. She told me about a leaf she saw fall in the sunlight in our backyard, in a moment where she was thinking of Granmum. Just tonight, we went to pick up Thai food because what else does a Saturday night at home call for. And on the way home, can you guess what we saw?

On the main road right near our house, two deer ran across the road. One paused there and stopped, staring at our car. I started laughing, completely flustered and in shock, because I had just told her the other day how I kept seeing deer and there they were again, right in front of us. I kept saying to her – I told you, now you know I’m not going crazy!

When we pulled into our driveway, the headlights were shining into our backyard right by the woods. And another deer was standing there, in no hurry at all and completely unbothered by the high beams. I pointed it out to my mom and can’t really explain to you the feeling I know we both had after seeing three deer within a minute or two. I was laughing while my mind was trying to wrap itself around the moment, the deer, and why on earth I keep seeing them.

I’m not saying that this experience has fully convinced me to believe in something or changed my life in an extraordinary way, but it’s pushing me in that direction and I think that’s exactly what Granmum would have wanted. When she died and my family was going through things from her room, I took a small book of hers called Small Miracles: Extraordinary Coincidences From Everyday Life by Judith Leventhal and Yitta Halberstam. Another reason to make me think that this isn’t just another coincidence. I hope that if you, whoever you are, have taken the time to read this, that you will believe even just a tiny bit more in the power of fate, and small miracles, and maybe even God.